A letter to his Excellency the President of Nigeria Olusegun Obasanjo - on Gay Marriages
Dear His Excellency the President of,
Good day my kind sir, I hope this letter reaches you on a very sunny day there in our beautiful country, and as you read this; (I’m sure it will get to you as I have numerous government contacts. This owing to, having spent my early adult years, sitting on the corridors of power waiting for one of those lucrative government contracts to drop on my lap. One eventually did and subsequently allowed me to buy myself a most modest London town house, from which now I pen this to you) with Aso Rock looming in the distance, a cold fanta lemon on a silver tray to you side, with all the days papers and a legion of guest waiting beyond in the air conditioned waiting room, I express my utmost gratitude.
I would formally like to thank you on your courageous decision along with Archbishop Peter Akinola, on your upfront and forward thinking stance on homosexuality and your desire to see it BANNED and made illegal throughout the country, as a testament of our country’s upstanding moral leadership; in light of the corrupting ideals, false liberalism and burgeoning blasphemy stemming from those so called ‘western’ corners who preach human rights for all, make poverty history, have self professed progressive economies and industry and most infuriating of all ‘freedom of press’.
I don’t mean to shock you but here in the United Kingdom there are such publications as the ‘Gay Times’, which promotes the ‘homosexual lifestyle, all with reaching distance of a grown child’s arms in the local corner shop. Poor Johnny all he wanted was some cola bottles and a a pack of minstrels, how was he to know all the vouchers he’d been collected gave him a yearly subscription to ‘Boy meets Boy’ magazine.
I reiterate your words, I hope they are not taken out of context – but the Press here has a tendency for bias. If the following quote fails to make the point you so desired. My sincerest apologies)
I quote;
President Olusegun Obasanjo has publicly supported the country's Anglican leadership's stance on homosexuality.
"Such a tendency is clearly un-Biblical, unnatural and definitely un-African," he told a conference of Nigerian bishops in October 2004.
Hurrah for you sir and for the Nigerian people to have such a forward thinking leader. Your tackling of corruption, the rising escalation of violence and discern in the oil rich Niger Delta amongst the indigenous people. People who I feel are all trying to have their cake and eat it. I mean have you ever been to the Niger delta sir? Have you ever spent time living with these fortunate people? Well I have and all I can say is that they are a bunch of moaning ungrateful so and so’s who do not appreciate what Shell Oil has done to make our country as wonderful as it is.
Everything is possible in Nigeria, My real estate property in Ikoyi, Lagos (which I also got from a quasi gov scope – cheers again sir) has gone up 800%, I can now charge $75,000 dollar per annum for a two bedroom flat. (All mods and cons might I add – though I sometime worry at the state of the heavily pot holed roads outside. I think an increase in service charge should put that straight).
Therefore as a supporter of your proposed progressive stance on homosexuality I would like to offer up my Uncles Sule and Segun.
I’ve always suspected that only one of them was my uncle’s and the other, let’s not comment. Like yourself I am a man of family and it’s important that I set an example to my children on how we should treat each other as human beings, irregardless of race or creed. (Though my neighbours do look like possible Arab terrorists, my informing the police was just precautionary.
Also like you suggest we should add homosexuals to that list of possible threats to society, even if it’s just so called ‘film making, blue films etc – two hot girls going at it like, hot steaming bodies….. oh sir – my apologies.
The recent release of Brokeback Mountain, an American ‘gay’ cowboy movie by a Chinese man named Ang Lee, shows to the extent the cultures which we so fervently follow in music, arts, fashion, economics, sports, architecture, business etc have gone to rot. The film as you are well aware come’s with the quote; ‘I wish I could quit you’. Which fully show’s to me the protagonists realisation of their unbiblical lusting and there inevitable slide to HELL!!!
My uncle’s case should be an example to all good God fearing Nigerian’s, whether Jew or gentile, of their responsibility as citizen. I suggest we all look deep within our families and friend, on the corridors of power, in the slums, amongst the street traders, within co-operate logo’s (the glo – lime green..mmmmmm?) and especially within themselves. Do you have a moustache, do you own any musical theatre albums, and was your wedding song, ‘It’s Raining Men’ or I’m Stepping Out’? Are you a lady with a short haircut who feels very comfortable in jeans and like the greasy feel of being under a car bonnet?Is your name Will or Grace?
Gay people, especially of the male inclination have infiltrated society by posing as good friends to women, often designing their clothes and talking to them about fashion and accessories. So as a woman you have to ask yourself, why he has not tried to sleep with me – but never minds sharing the bed with my brother? I understand that image may be troubling for some, but it is very often the tactic for these ‘unbiblical fiends. They have made memorable pop songs under various disguises.
I urge you sir, to continue the progress of democracy that your administration has championed in these times of uncertainty. The moral fibre of society is wearing down. I see pink everywhere, and men with skippy type walks and women who’ve become vegetarians.
I give you my ‘uncles’ who I sincerely love, as sacrificial lambs for a cause I believe will take the cancer from our society and return us to the good old days of one man and his many wife’s, because the children are the future and they are our reasons for being. In the words of George W Bush, to quote a great American hero and I can only paraphrase here, ‘You’re either with us or with The Gays!’.A possible 5 years in jail is not long for an afterlife in hell. I suggest you recomend them to our organisation 'Get Straight Now! - I Once was Lost but Now I'm Found was Gay and Know I'm Straight.' for only £99.99. It's a musical theatre/come redemtion/self help guide. It comes with audio commentary and is available at all good retail outlets.
I thank you for your time and hope you like the scent I applied to this letter. It’s called Rose by a little boutique I found just off Carnaby St. Just delightful - don’t you think?
Yours faithfully
Chief Dr Eng. Saturday Sunday Smith
p.s
I am not a homo. Please note. But I’ll have to admit I think you look so cute when you use the word ‘unbiblical’. Goosepimply!!!
posted by frieddodo at 22.1.06
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