DSTV does not sing in the rain.

I’d love to see the figure of subscribers of DSTV in Nigeria to date. But it still amazes me that as soon as it rains, the system breaks down and we have no satellite viewing. I mean it ridiculous – that we can only watch DSTV when it’s dry – the slightest hint of rain and we get the infamous array of tiny squares which eventually lead to a blue screen and the now infamous ‘Scanning’.

I reckon that the amount of air time, loss during the rainy season especially, equals some sort of discount amount - THE EQUATION IS;

monthly oryearly cost of subscription per household/ days of rain (hours of NO!!! television) = LESS MONEY PAID = MORE SUYA = MORE PHONE CREDIT = MORE MINERALS = MORE MONEY TO YOUR PASTOR

Because you know, even if you’re an hour late paying your subscription fee THE EQUATION BECOMES;

brokeness/late payment of dstv = NO SERVICE = NO MORE ‘Pimp My Ride’ = NO MORE UNILAG CHICKS = NO MORE JANDED NONSENSE TO TALK ABOUT = MORE NTA = MORE SHAME

I feel a letter coming on.

I want my DSTV – (queue Queen anthem). But I want my DSTV rain proof. In the mean time I have to use an old wax coat.